He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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