I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just pynch a tree in the face
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
