I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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