areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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