Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
there is glitter all over my balls
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
