I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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