My first STD was from a foam party
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
