Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
