So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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