I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Say something about gay babies.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize