is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
