id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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