Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
