I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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