textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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