So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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