I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
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Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
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She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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