he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize