Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
