Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
