You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
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well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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