Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
