i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
