Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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