Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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