he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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