Will you blow on my dice?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
