All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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