Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
