so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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