Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
