Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
