..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
