She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
