I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
