I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize