I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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