Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My ATM looks so different sober.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
