I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
