it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
