you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
