she woke up with a sticky ear
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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