I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
