I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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