you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
