I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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