She is in my trunk
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
