Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
