If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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