As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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