i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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