i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
