Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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