just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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