tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
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i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
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If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
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