yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
