I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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