yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
