I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
