U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
