we're chasing vodka with high fives
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish i was in the wii world.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
