Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.