He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
