Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
