I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.