Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?