Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?

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(586): View more from Michigan

My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?

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(818): View more from California

Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(469): View more from Texas

On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.

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(719): View more from Colorado

Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.

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(334): View more from Alabama

I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.

(334): View more from Alabama

I stand by my new policy.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?

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(574): View more from Indiana

fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.

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