doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight