I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
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he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
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I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..