this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.