Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.