When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
