My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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