ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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