I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
His hands were made for my vagina.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
