she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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