The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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