If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
