OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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