She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
